To start of this discussion here's a warm up joke for you all...
One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when someone shouted . . . 'Look at that dead bird!' Someone looked up at the sky and said . . . 'where???
While working at a pizza parlour I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time before responding. 'Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces
I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands. 'Now,' she asked me, 'Has your plane arrived yet?
Billing A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice. After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?" "I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill." The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try. The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills. When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.
Only three doors An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight. The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?" The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"
My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we overheard one of the administrative assistants talking about the sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the beach. She drove down in a convertible, but 'didn't think she'd get sunburned because the car was moving'
HAHA!! those jokes are hilarious!!!! Pete you serz don't get it?? Haha! That's even more funny!! I love jokes..when they're funny..the real life ones rock even more!! Ok here's one..
Bubba and Junior were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up.
A woman walked by and asked what they were doing. "We're supposed to find the height of the flagpole," said Bubba, "but we don't have a ladder." The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a few bolts, and laid the pole down. Then she took a tape measure from her pocket, took a measurement and announced, "Eighteen feet, six inches," and walked away.
Junior shook his head and laughed. "Ain't that just like a blonde! We ask for the height, and she gives us the length!"
Some guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying: 'Free to good home. You want it, you take it.' For three days the fridge sat there without even one person looking twice at it. He eventually decided that people were too un-trusting of this deal. It looked to good to be true, so he changed the sign to read: 'Fridge for sale $50.' The next day someone stole it
hahah!! Limmo i like the seatbelt one! hahaha!! even funnier how Kaz thought it was Bol!! haha!! Nice Jono..you know I think I might have accidently done number 1 before..hahah!! then realised "what am I doing??" hahha!!
Tech Support: "What version of the Mac OS are you using?" Customer: "Word 6.0."
Tech Support: "What browser are you using, Netscape or Microsoft?" Customer: "Netscape." Tech Support: "Could you read to me what it says at the top of the window?" Customer: "'Global Travel Conference - Microsoft Internet Explorer'."
Tech Support: "Are you installing on a Mac?" Customer: "No, I'm using a 3.5" thingee on a disk."
Tech Support: "This has Windows 98 on it -- did it have Windows 98 or 95 on it when it was sent out for repair?" Customer: "I think it had Office 97."
Tech Support: "How much free space do you have on your hard drive?" Customer: "Well, my wife likes to get up there on that Internet, and she downloaded ten hours of free space. Is that enough?"
Customer: "I keep getting an error message whenever I try using the MSDOS mode in Windows 95." Tech Support: "Can you describe what happens?" Customer: "Well, I keep getting a black screen with an error message saying, 'C:\WINDOWS>'."
Tech Support: "which drive is your CD ROM?" Customer: "the top one."
Tech Support: "Ok, let's try once more, but use lower case letters..." Customer: "Uh, I only have capital letters on my keyboard."
